 Media mogul Arianna Huffington’s first foray into the self-help genre, On Becoming Fearless…in Love, Work and Life, offers concrete and practical strategies for women seeking to overcome the fears that may hold them back from experiencing potential fulfilment. More than just a compilation of expendable sayings or dated affirmations, this fascinating volume contains wisdom from a formidable handful of women whom have had the courage to distinguish themselves in diverse arenas.
Under Huffinton’s editorship, each woman’s unique advice, philosophy and experience are tailored to Huffington’s ultimate end of inspiring women of all classes to reach for their goals. She effectively distils this fresh wisdom into a comprehensive prescription for fearlessness, along with all the rewards that letting go of negativity entails. Her overarching topic of fearlessness is made more accessible through her choices—from the expertly handpicked contributors to the inspiring quotations used throughout the novel.
Embracing our emotions
In the chapter titled "Fearless in Love", Huffington betters our understanding of the negative side of intimacy, and urges an openness to "the hurt, the criticisms, the losses that bring depth to the relationship and bring us closer to each other." Interestingly, under the heading "Becoming Assertive in Love," Huffington quotes Diane Sollee, director of the US Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education. "The number one predictor of divorce is habitual avoidance of conflict…. The way to have a happy marriage is to learn how to handle the inevitable disagreements that are part of every relationship."
Other nuggets of wisdom contained in this chapter include:
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“Mastering our emotions is a matter of recognizing what our gut is really telling us and knowing when to overrule it and when to heed it.”
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“Guys know that in business nice guys finish last. It’s nice to be nice, but it can be extremely draining and self-destructive when it mutes our voice, holds us back, and undermines our authenticity. Fear of sticking our necks out because of how we’ll be perceived often causes us to sabotage our careers.”
A moral re-awakening
Perhaps what I found most interesting was Huffington’s own admission of mid-life personal and professional crisis, in which she describes her radical, moral re-awakening and subsequent defection from the Republican Party.
While most people become more inured to social justice and thus more reactionary later in life, Huffington risked offending (and clearly did offend) her friends and class/status-based allegiances, an act which she sums up in “one particular moment” of clarity that occurred on January 24, 1993. “…At the heart of my political transformation was my recognition that the task of overcoming poverty and social injustice is too monumental to be achieved without the power and scale that government can provide. Along with this came the conviction that silence is not an option. And we cannot let friendships stop us from speaking out about what we believe are fundamental truths.”
Huffington understands the stifling effect of one’s fear of failure and provides tangible examples and steps to avoid the trap of perfection. These fears translate into taking fewer risks and not reaching for our dreams, and the fact that these fears are self-inflicted makes feeding into them even more regrettable. One quote that sheds light on combating this fear should be written down and placed in a prominent area on every woman’s desk: “Ships in the harbor are safe, but that’s not what ships are made for.”
Successful negotiations
Huffington also earns my respect with her candid parables about fearlessness drawn from serious hardships her own life. These include her divorce: “How could I—who would do anything to shield them from pain—be the one to actually inflict on my children such a real and possibly lasting wound?”, and her first real health scare at the age of forty-three: “now I was hearing the worst, things like ‘biopsy’ and ‘surgery’, and how the lump would not ‘aspirate’ and had to come out right away.” But it is her relentless pursuit of the pragmatic, and of serviceable strategies for overcoming the unspeakable, that makes the book such an essential read.
As this was so well said within the text, I have included it as it appears for fear of detracting from the power these words hold: “All successful negotiation begins with being crystal clear about what you want. Many [of us] shrink from the idea of negotiating because they think it just means being loud, aggressive and pushy. In fact, the essence of negotiation is coming to an agreement that does not sacrifice what is essential to you while allowing the other party to do the same…. And there’s a quality of gamesmanship involved. What’s the worst that can happen? We are told no, and we’re no worse off than we were before. Just look around you and you’ll see plenty of evidence that asking for what we want results not in the realization of our worst fears but in getting what we want.”
On Becoming Fearless is an immensely worthwhile work, and I recommend it with a final word from its author (with a Socratic nod to our collective mortality and a call for greater perspective toward our lives, loves and professions):
“Socrates taught that we should “practice death” daily, to help us realize what’s really important and to evaluate the lesser in life, in terms of the greater.”
Author: Arianna Huffington
Number of pages: 240
Publisher: Hachette Book Group USA
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