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“One Cup Left”: Debbie Watters, Comedian |
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Written by Heather Resnick
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Wednesday, 20 April 2005 |
When In Doubt Check It Out
“You have breast cancer” are four words that can cause abject terror and cut to the core of a woman’s psyche with bone-chilling affect. Debbie Watter’s first reaction was, “What will happen to my kids?” Personal responses vary from denial to self-pity and fear. Debbie’s training as a teacher helped her view her illness as a life-learning lesson.
Debbie is a passionate, early literacy teacher for students in grades K-3 for the Wellington Catholic School Board in Elora, Ontario. She has been a teacher for sixteen years. In February 2002, at the age of 41, she discovered an enlarged lymph node under her arm.
Her First Reaction
Like many women, she wanted to ignore it, after all, it could be something else—a hormonal reaction or a swollen sweat gland. Maybe it didn’t even really exist. Fortunately, Debbie did mention it to her brother, a doctor. He told her that, if the lump had not disappeared after three weeks, she should go for a medical exam.
On cue, Debbie went to her doctor. He felt two other lumps. His immediate response was, “It is not necessarily breast cancer.” The mammogram showed nothing. [*cancer that is lobular – in the lobes and not the ducts does not always show up on mammograms] He ordered an ultrasound. Three lumps showed up. They were not miniscule.
The shock deepened when Debbie was informed that the affected breast had to be removed. At this stage, some women try to diminish the emotional impact of having a mastectomy with rationalizations: “I’m older now”. “I don’t need to feed young children”. “I can feel like a woman without them.” But these reasons are usually of little comfort once the deed is done. After all, breasts can provide nourishment and make women feel sexually attractive and alive. For many, losing a breast or breasts is like a death, a profound loss of identity.
Debbie chose to be grateful. She was glad she had breastfed her boys, Hayden and Emmett, (who were then 8 and 7 at the time of her diagnosis). Had she not been able to breastfeed, she would have been devastated. Debbie may mock the fact that she “wishes she didn’t have to wear a fake boob,” but she never felt she was not a complete woman thanks, in part, to her solid, 23-year relationship with her husband, Shawn.
“Since the other one works, I don’t think we will have a problem,” joked Shawn Watters to his wife, when he was told that she was to have a mastectomy on her right breast. Half her battle was won.
Life is a Party
Debbie decided early on that she would not be paralyzed with fear; she would take control over any aspect of the disease that she could. She switched to a larger hospital and demanded that a specific surgeon, one who was revered for being wise and very competent, perform her mastectomy.
Debbie had six weeks to recover after her breast removal before her chemotherapy would start. Concerned about how her young sons might react to her imminent hair loss, she felt she had to find a way to make the experience non-frightening, kid-friendly. Her ingenious plan? Throw a “head-shaving party!” Catherine, her long-time hairdresser friend and confidante, thought it was a “cool idea” and agreed to assist.
On a beautiful early evening in May, about a month after her mastectomy, Debbie’s family and a large supportive community gathered in her backyard. Everybody brought food and wine. Soon everyone began to relax and the party became a happy occasion. Hayden and Emmett were the first to be shorn by Catherine. Then Debbie, husband Shawn, and a friend whose mom had died of leukemia. Debbie’s friend, Sophie Hogan, a photographer, documented this very “human story” by snapping black-and-white pictures throughout the evening.
A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words
Journaling her experience was a lifeline for Debbie. She recorded not only her own feelings but those of her sons’ using their own words about how they felt, which later became seeds of inspiration.
As she placed the photos of her “hair shaving party” into her journal, she wished that her young sons could have seen and discussed an example before having to go through it. “Other families need to see this story,” she believed. She asked Sophie to photograph her during the many activities she undertook throughout the whole process of chemotherapy, including giving blood and receiving chemotherapy. Sophie also took funny pictures of Debbie and her boys in various hats and wigs.
Party Time Again
When Debbie’s hair began to grow back in after her chemotherapy was over, she wanted to thank all the people who had been there for her and her family. A “hair-growing back party” was in order. Everyone had to wear a wig or hat except Debbie, who wore her own glorious hair. One hundred and twenty people were invited that night to a hall Debbie’s family rented. There was live music, artists, food and drink aplenty.
Debbie was moved by the outpouring of love and compassion that surrounded her. She told the crowd what a powerful force to have a community come together to help one family. She showed her children how life comes full circle – “hair shaving party” and “hair growing back” - a metaphor for facing adversity and surviving. Sophie, of course was on hand to take the pictures for posterity.
Reviewing the pictures, Debbie had no clue who would publish for her, but she knew she had a market for a kid’s book. “Where’s Mom’s Hair? A Family’s Journey Through Cancer”, was going to be Debbie’s gift to help families through the ordeal.
“There’s No Business Like Show Business”
After checking out publisher possibilities, Second Story Press agreed to publish and the book is now available through booksellers. That would be a wonderful end to a survival story instead an unexpected consequence of her ordeal has prompted a new spin-off for Debbie.
Cancer, of all things can be a gift of self-renewal, embracing life and it can even open up new and wonderful possibilities.
Debbie was attending a local theatre production in the town of Fergus, over a year after her diagnosis. At the cast party, she attended a man commented on her “great head of curly hair”. Debbie always the joker responded by saying she had been bald six months before. She expanded her story telling her listener of her “Chemo Girls”, friends who made chemotherapy day an event by going with her to the hospital, shopping and dining afterwards. She told of other things that happened. The stories were funny. The man asked if she had ever considered doing a stand-up comedy for breast cancer.
Her interest was sparked. She went back over her journal and came up with 22 pages of script.
“A Star is Born”
Debbie had theatrical background but had not performed in ten years. She showed the script to her theatre producer friend who told her to add about 10 more pages. He believed it would work and put up money for the first three shows. They also managed to raise $1,000 for the Ontario Breast Cancer Association. Debbie is now an author, playwright, and actor.
Making comedy out of her tragedy with quips like:
- “Going bald [in a fashion statement] you can accessorize with wigs and hats
- On Halloween I went as “® Mr. Clean”
- As a primary school teacher being bald is a good thing, you can’t get lice
- Chemo Day Girls engage in Retail Therapy
- After chemo you are still in weakened state but strong enough to hand over a Visa Card
- The “dumb books” the hospital gives you “It’s Your Choice – Lumpectomy or Mastectomy”. I would prefer to call it Keep it or Lop it Off or you can get the audio version to pop into the tape player while you are driving your kids to school
- When my mom heard about the medicinal effects of marijuana, she went over to the house where many guys with their motorcycles hang out figuring that those were the kind of people she could get dope from.
- The chocolate chip marijuana cookies I baked were good. They did the trick”
was a smashing success. Word of her “One Cup Left” a one-women comedy/overhead show (she shows the pictures that created her book) spread like wildfire. She was soon booked in other venues across Ontario, inspiring others who face adversity to have hope. She still works and thrives part time as a teacher.
Success Breeds Success
In a coffee shop in Guelph she met up with Canada’s funny woman, Sandra Shamas, (whose wit about her relationships has made her a North American sensation) advised Debbie “to tell the truth, because the truth is always funny”. “Sandra has helped me with ideas”, Debbie says, grateful to have expert advice.
Her success has led her to be part of the Public Lecture Series for the Jurvansi Cancer Centre in Hamilton, taking her around Ontario to capacity audiences. Recently she was invited to Ottawa to celebrate International Women’s Day, as the sole entertainer for a women’s resource group from Revenue Canada. The invitations are coming from near and far.
Debbie has deservedly been nominated for the Women of Distinction Award in Arts and Culture by the YMCA. The gala to choose the winner will be on May 12, in her community. On May 21, her official book launch will take place at a local theatre at an event called “Many Hands – Arts from Adversity” too much media, family and public fanfare.
And the Dream Goes To…
Debbie’s future is to just “Keep living and informing others about living with cancer”. Her dream is that every single doctor who confronts a woman with cancer will hand over her book so that they see how one family made it through and give them hope that they can too.
To purchase “Where’s Mom’s Hair? A Family’s Journey Through Cancer”, by Debbie Watters, contact any Chapters, Indigo or your local bookstore. The IBSN code is 1896764940.
Photographs by Sophie Hogan, Publisher Second Story Press.
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Heather Resnick
Email Heather
Heather is committed to writing words that provoke positive change. Her first novel, Ms. Humpty Dumpty, a “powerhouse of emotions” about a woman who keeps falling off the wall and tries to put back the pieces (www.mshumptydumpty.com). |
Share your success stories, hopes, and fears by visiting www.womenreworked.com and completing an on-line survey to help Heather with her upcoming book Women Reworked for women considering entering the workplace after an extended absence or for the first time.
Note: Heather is currently looking for a publisher for Ms. Humpty Dumpty and certain people to read her galley of that book:
- A lawyer who can poke fun at their profession
- A nurse who recognizes the problems in the current healthcare system
- An archeologist or Egyptologist
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